How to Overcome Parenting Burnout: Practical Tips for Parents of Young Children
How to Overcome Parenting Burnout: Practical Tips for Parents of Young Children
Who as a parent has not felt burnout? I have not met one single parent who has not felt burnout at one time or another. Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging jobs, particularly when you’re raising young children. For many parents, the demands of caring for kids under three years old can lead to a feeling of constant overwhelm, exhaustion, and burnout. Parenting burnout is real, and if you’re struggling to juggle the needs of your little ones, yourself and your partner, it’s important to recognize it and take steps to address it.
In this blog, we’ll explore practical tips for parents of young children on how to overcome burnout and find relief from the stress that can come with parenting.
1. Recognize the Signs of Parenting Burnout
Before you can overcome burnout, it’s essential to recognize it. Parenting burnout doesn’t always look like extreme exhaustion — it can also manifest as irritability, feeling emotionally detached, or having a constant sense of frustration.
If you find yourself overwhelmed, anxious, or guilty for not doing enough for your child, these could be signs that you’re experiencing parenting burnout. When parents feel guilty for their burnout feelings, they often deny to themselves that they are burnout. This can be a barrier to receiving support.
If you’re feeling physically drained and mentally exhausted, it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re struggling. It’s not a sign of failure — it’s a sign that your mind and body need a break. It is SO normal for parents to feel burnout. In fact, most parents feel burntout at one point or another.
2. Prioritize Self-Care and Stress Relief for Parents
When you’re in the thick of raising young children, self-care often takes a back seat. However, stress relief for parents is essential for overcoming burnout. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and finding time to recharge is crucial to being the parent you want to be. In my practice, I have found that when parents can integrate some self-care, it dramatically improves their mental health.
Here are a few self-care strategies to help you feel more energized:
Take short breaks: Even 10-15 minutes of alone time can make a big difference. Step outside, listen to music, or simply close your eyes and breathe deeply.
Exercise: Physical activity is one of the best ways to release built-up stress and boost your mood. You don’t need to do an intense workout — a walk around the block can help clear your mind. Find what works for you.
Sleep when you can: Sleep is critical to overcoming burnout, but we all know it’s hard to come by when you have young kids. Try napping when your child sleeps or asking a family member to take over for an hour so you can rest. The more support, the better.
3. Set Realistic Expectations and Let Go of Perfectionism
One of the biggest contributors to parenting burnout is the constant pressure to be perfect. We live in a world that often promotes unrealistic standards of parenting, but the truth is, no one is perfect — and that’s okay. We also tend to live in nuclear families, which makes parenting all the more difficult with limited adults to take care of children.
Instead of aiming for perfection, set realistic expectations for yourself and your family. Remember that it’s okay if the house isn’t spotless, if your child has a meltdown in public, or if you don’t make it to every social event. Allowing yourself to be imperfect can help take the pressure off and reduce feelings of burnout. Know that all parents feel some pressure around being a “good” parent and this pressure often creates stress for parents. Know that being “good enough” is all your child needs.
4. The “Good Enough” Parent Concept
The concept of the "good enough" parent is an essential idea in child development that can help alleviate the overwhelming pressure many parents feel to be perfect. Coined by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, this concept suggests that parents don’t need to be perfect in order to raise healthy, well-adjusted children. Instead, being “good enough” – meaning offering care, love, and consistency while acknowledging your imperfections – is sufficient for promoting emotional and psychological development and adjustment in children.
The Origins of the “Good Enough” Parent
Winnicott’s idea of the “good enough” parent arose from his work with infants and their caregivers. He argued that parents (or caregivers) don’t need to meet every need of their child in a flawless way to support healthy development. In fact, striving for perfection and attempting to shield a child from all discomfort or frustration can be counterproductive. A parent’s imperfections, such as occasional lapses in attention, frustrations, or mistakes, actually provide valuable learning experiences for children. These minor “failures” help children develop resilience and the understanding that they can cope with minor disappointments.
Winnicott’s belief was that the child’s psychological development doesn’t hinge on perfection but on the parent’s ability to be consistently responsive to their needs. This concept of being “good enough” recognizes that parents are human, and it’s okay to not always have everything together.
Why Striving for Perfection Can Be Harmful
In our modern society, where the “perfect parent” is often showcased on social media, parents are under increasing pressure to meet an idealized standard. However, this pressure to achieve perfection can lead to burnout, stress, and anxiety, which are not only detrimental to the parents but also to their children. Striving for perfection can create an unrealistic and exhausting standard that leaves little room for mistakes or imperfections—both of which are a natural part of life and parenting.
The pursuit of perfection can also hinder emotional connection. When parents feel they must constantly perform to an ideal standard, they may miss the authentic, imperfect moments that build stronger relationships with their children. Parents might become overly controlling, rigid, or stressed, which can lead to strained relationships and emotional distance. The most important aspect of parenting is to be present when you are with your child.
Additionally, perfectionism can fuel parental guilt and shame. Many parents experience guilt when they feel they’ve failed or haven’t met the “ideal” standard, even if their actions were perfectly normal and human. This shame can diminish a parent’s ability to show up emotionally for their child and can undermine their confidence as a caregiver. It is great to strive to learn from mistakes and want to show up in good ways for your child, but not in a way that creates a huge sense of anxiety.
The Benefits of Being “Good Enough”
Promotes Resilience in Children: When parents allow for mistakes, imperfections, and moments of frustration, children learn how to cope with disappointment, develop problem-solving skills, and build resilience. Knowing that their caregivers aren’t perfect models helps children understand that life involves both success and setbacks, and that they can manage adversity in healthy ways.
Fosters Emotional Connection: The concept of being “good enough” also promotes genuine emotional connection. Parents who accept their imperfections can show their children that it’s okay to be vulnerable. Children thrive in an environment where they feel loved, supported, and accepted, even when things aren’t going perfectly. The “good enough” parent creates an emotionally safe space for children to explore their own feelings, which is crucial for emotional development.
Reduces Parental Stress: Striving for perfection is exhausting, both physically and mentally. By accepting that being “good enough” is all that’s needed, parents can reduce stress and guilt. This shift in mindset allows parents to engage more authentically with their children, without the burden of unrealistic expectations. In turn, it enhances a parent’s mental well-being and creates a healthier family dynamic.
Encourages Self-Care: The “good enough” parent understands the importance of self-care and recognizes their own needs. They know they are not superheroes, and it’s okay to take breaks or ask for help. This is crucial because when parents take care of themselves, they are better equipped to be present for their children. In this sense, being “good enough” supports both the well-being of the parent and the child.
Winnicott's Influence and the Bigger Picture
Modern child development theories also support Winnicott’s views, showing that children who have parents who are emotionally attuned and responsive, even if imperfect, tend to develop secure attachments. Secure attachment, as outlined by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, fosters emotional well-being and social competence throughout life.
5. Reach Out for Support
Asking for help is a crucial step in overcoming burnout. Parenting doesn’t have to be done alone. Whether it’s your partner, family, a babysitter, playgroup, friends, or even a therapist, having a support system in place can help lighten the load.
You might also want to consider joining a parenting group or seeking therapy. A therapist who specializes in parenting burnout can help you develop healthy coping strategies and work through any underlying stressors. Therapy can also provide tools for navigating the specific challenges of parenting young children and overcoming the emotional toll it can take. You can read more here about how trauma-informed therapy can be helpful for parents.
6. Set Boundaries and Say No When Needed
Parents often feel guilty about saying no, but it’s essential for your mental health and well-being. Setting boundaries — whether it’s limiting the number of activities your child participates in or saying no to extra tasks — is a necessary step in protecting your energy. It’s okay to prioritize your own needs over the needs of others. This can also mean shifting certain relationships. This can include relationships with parents, in-laws, sisters, brothers, etc. Family dynamics often shift after you have your own baby and this is okay.
Conclusion: Finding Balance and Reclaiming Your Joy
Parenting burnout is a common challenge, but it doesn’t have to define your experience as a parent. By recognizing the signs of burnout, prioritizing self-care, setting realistic expectations, seeking support, and establishing boundaries, you can begin to overcome the stress and exhaustion that often come with raising young children.
Remember, it’s okay to ask for help and take time for yourself. You deserve to feel balanced, confident, and joyful in your role as a parent.
If you're ready to explore strategies for overcoming burnout and finding peace in your parenting journey, consider booking a consultation with a therapist who specializes in supporting parents through these challenges. You don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to schedule a free consultation today.
We at Thriving California are a team of therapists ready to help overwhelmed parents and couples on their healing journey. We’re here to support you!